I just saw the date of my last post. Yes, I gave up on blogging for a while. Kinda embarrassed to start back up. At this moment I am keenly aware of feeling awkward and unsure of myself --- even while realizing that probably no one else noticed my blog breakup. This feeling brings to surface many other times throughout my life that embarrassment reared its head. Why is it that I can forget what I am doing when I walk into a room, but I cannot forget the time I felt embarrassed in 2nd grade!
Emotions are a powerful thing. Our Creator gave them to us for a purpose. They are our release. The key to emotions is handling them properly whether they are "good" emotions --- love, excitement, appreciation, security, etc. or "bad" emotions --- fear, jealousy, sadness, etc. Part of training our children is teaching them to appreciate their emotions and helping them understand how to control them.
Fear is a common emotion for children. When your child feels afraid, help them talk about it to discover it's source or trigger. Understand the fear is very real to them and acknowledge it (vs. belittling it). From there, help them discover ways to deal with the fear --- talk, change activities, pray, play, trust, try, etc. Give them examples of how you handled fear or how someone in the Bible handled fear. Praise them when you see them try to conquer a fear and when you see progress in an on-going battle with fear in an area of their life.
Anger is another emotion children have to handle. Often, children are just too immature to know what to do when they feel angry, so they lash out with their bodies by hitting, kicking, etc, or use their voices and attitudes to respond improperly. I am not naive --- there is a difference between a temper tantrum and a reactive response to anger. I define temper tantrums as intentional decisions designed to divert the parents attention away from the real matter at hand. I am talking about a response when a child feels genuine, even justifiable, anger on a normal, day to day level and does not know how to direct it. Teach your children what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior when they feel anger. If your child shows signs of abnormal continual, deep rooted, anger that is nor common to day to day life, you may want to seek advice.
Jealousy is very common to children. Left unattended, jealousy can lead to deep seated anger, poor self-esteem, or other deep negative emotions. The Bible warns us that jealousy can "rot the bones." Every person can relate to jealousy. Common displays of jealousy include rude comments about another person, efforts to "one up," drawing attention to one's self, ignoring an individual, withdrawal from a particular person, etc. Jealousy is an emotion we often keep to ourselves. If you sense your child is struggling with jealousy, discreetly bring up the person or situation you feel may be the root.Remind your child of their own value, talents, abilities. Assure them that your love for them is unconditional and so is God's love. Talk through ways to face the situation and let them know that you understand how uncomfortable that could be.
Excitement is part of childhood. Have fun with your child! Rejoice in their victories and accomplishments! Point out things in their life that they can be thankful for and things they can look forward to. If they need a physical outlet for expressing their excitement, help provide that for them. This type of emotion is also the one where you have to teach them that may not always be the center of attention and to allow other people to have their moment of fun, attention, rest, etc.
Finally, keep in mind that the way you handle your emotions will be the lesson your children will learn the most!
Kim Williams
Kim Williams
Friday, February 10, 2012
Friday, July 29, 2011
What SIze Are Your Parenting Shoes?
I really like shoes! I enjoy looking at them in stores and finding just the right pair for an outfit! I think it is strange though that apparently, according to someone somewhere, most people have one foot that is slightly larger than the other, yet I only buy one size when I buy a pair of shoes. Reminds me of parenting. Parents really need to wear two shoe sizes --- one adult size and one child size.
Our adult sized shoes remind us that it is our job to train up our children. We wear these shoes when we have to give clear direction, make a tough decision, handle a crises, maintain an organized home & family, run a budget, live by example, and much more.
It is our child sized shoes that I want to polish up right now. As parents, we need to step into our child sized shoes and view our parenting from our children's perspective -- our childrens' needs. What are some things our children need from us?
1. LOVE. Love is an action. Yes, children need to hear that they are loved, but they also need tangible acts of love from their parents. Meeting their physical needs, interacting with them person to person, conversing & listening, or spending time with them at something they enjoy are all tangible examples of love.
2.TRUST. Webster's states that trust is "reliance on the ability, integrity of a person; confident expectation." Your chidlren need to know that you are consistent in your actions and dealings with them. It is important that their feelings and thoughts can be safely & respectfully shared with you, even if it is something you may need to challenge as their parent. Being able to trust someone brings a sense of security into a life.
3. ACCEPTANCE. Children need to know that they have worth. Tap into their skills and talents. Tell them what they contribute to the family that is positive and unique to them. Let them know that although an action or attitude may not be acceptable, that they are always valued by you.
4. INDEPENDENCE. Allow your child opportunity to make decisions and to do things on their own and for themselves as is appropriate.
5. GUIDANCE. Help children to learn from their mistakes. Teach them how to handle an emotion properly. Model for them what you expect from them.
Sometimes, as much as I like shoes, I can't wait to take them off ! Parenting shoes can sometimes squeeze and our preference would be to just kick 'em off for a while -- but we can't. As parents, we need to always let our feet be stylin'.
Hum, I think I will go shopping!
Our adult sized shoes remind us that it is our job to train up our children. We wear these shoes when we have to give clear direction, make a tough decision, handle a crises, maintain an organized home & family, run a budget, live by example, and much more.
It is our child sized shoes that I want to polish up right now. As parents, we need to step into our child sized shoes and view our parenting from our children's perspective -- our childrens' needs. What are some things our children need from us?
1. LOVE. Love is an action. Yes, children need to hear that they are loved, but they also need tangible acts of love from their parents. Meeting their physical needs, interacting with them person to person, conversing & listening, or spending time with them at something they enjoy are all tangible examples of love.
2.TRUST. Webster's states that trust is "reliance on the ability, integrity of a person; confident expectation." Your chidlren need to know that you are consistent in your actions and dealings with them. It is important that their feelings and thoughts can be safely & respectfully shared with you, even if it is something you may need to challenge as their parent. Being able to trust someone brings a sense of security into a life.
3. ACCEPTANCE. Children need to know that they have worth. Tap into their skills and talents. Tell them what they contribute to the family that is positive and unique to them. Let them know that although an action or attitude may not be acceptable, that they are always valued by you.
4. INDEPENDENCE. Allow your child opportunity to make decisions and to do things on their own and for themselves as is appropriate.
5. GUIDANCE. Help children to learn from their mistakes. Teach them how to handle an emotion properly. Model for them what you expect from them.
Sometimes, as much as I like shoes, I can't wait to take them off ! Parenting shoes can sometimes squeeze and our preference would be to just kick 'em off for a while -- but we can't. As parents, we need to always let our feet be stylin'.
Hum, I think I will go shopping!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Pomp,Circumstance, and I Do.
Well, my baby boy is now a collegian. ( He smirks at that title.) My baby girl is nine days out from becoming a Mrs. (She smiles at that title.) I am going to be unoriginal and boring and say that time flies...soars....breaks sound barriers.... I remember when they were both just a thought between my husband and me.
Day to day it may not feel as though time is moving....especially when we find ourselves waiting in life, but it is. I am in awe of the fact that God isn't confined to time. He just IS. When I get to a certain point on my timeline of life, He is and has been there. I am grateful for the peace this brings into my life.
Parents, enjoy where you and your children are in life. There are challenges and joys in every phase. Don't wish your life away. It changes quickly enough on its on. Be intentional about life!
Well, I better sign off. I have a parent orientation to go to and a wedding to attend! I am blessed!
Day to day it may not feel as though time is moving....especially when we find ourselves waiting in life, but it is. I am in awe of the fact that God isn't confined to time. He just IS. When I get to a certain point on my timeline of life, He is and has been there. I am grateful for the peace this brings into my life.
Parents, enjoy where you and your children are in life. There are challenges and joys in every phase. Don't wish your life away. It changes quickly enough on its on. Be intentional about life!
Well, I better sign off. I have a parent orientation to go to and a wedding to attend! I am blessed!
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
The Class of 2011 & "I Do."
It is a year of milestones in the life of my family --- once in a lifetime events! My husband and I both reached a certain birthday (and trust me, we'd already been traveling our over the hill journey!). We celebrated our 20th & 30th work anniversaries and are looking forward to our 30th wedding anniversary in July. Our son turned 18 and is graduating from high school; 2 weeks later our daughter will be getting married. Mixed among these happy events was the celebration of my Mom's life as she passed into Heaven. We are blessed and appreciating this time ... both the fun and the not so fun.
Grant it, those are all lifetime milestones, yet I am reminded that our children face milestones frequently throughout their young lives. Our role as parents is to help guide our children through these times and prepare them and ourselves for what to expect and how to respond at these junctures. Think through milestones your child will have to cross. Perhaps it is the first time they spend the night away from you, or the first day of kindergarten or pre-k. It may be that for the first time, they have another authority figure in their life besides mom and dad. Your preteen may be making the jump from elementary schooling to the middle school format. Perhaps they are encouraged for the first time to be dishonest or do something they have not been allowed to do. It may be that their friends are talking in a way that is not appropriate. It could be that someone has shed doubt on the truths you have taught your chidlren. They may be faced with a temptation. They may have to share mom and dad with a new sibling. The list could keep growing.
My husband has always told our children to "DECIDE before you HAVE to decide." Talk to your children about what to do when they are faced with a temptation to do something they should not. Assure them it is okay to talk with you if they hear something contrary to what you have told them at home and it makes sense to them. Help them to know in advance that a lie can often seem like the best choice, but it is not.
For the most part, children like routine, especially young children. Prepare your children the best you can for times when the schedule may vary and everyone needs to make adjustments. This could be as frequent as every Sunday morning! Anticipate emotions that may display themselves when your child's life is out of kilter. Watch your own response to change!
Understand as a parent, that our children will not always live within our walls. There comes a time they will have to stand on their own two feet. Part of maturing is becoming a thinker and decision maker. Realize that your children will begin to form their own opinions, make their own decisions, and process life on their own. As parents, we know the world can be a scary, ugly place at times and our desire to protect our children from knowing that may cripple us from preparing them to handle what life has for us.
Grant it, those are all lifetime milestones, yet I am reminded that our children face milestones frequently throughout their young lives. Our role as parents is to help guide our children through these times and prepare them and ourselves for what to expect and how to respond at these junctures. Think through milestones your child will have to cross. Perhaps it is the first time they spend the night away from you, or the first day of kindergarten or pre-k. It may be that for the first time, they have another authority figure in their life besides mom and dad. Your preteen may be making the jump from elementary schooling to the middle school format. Perhaps they are encouraged for the first time to be dishonest or do something they have not been allowed to do. It may be that their friends are talking in a way that is not appropriate. It could be that someone has shed doubt on the truths you have taught your chidlren. They may be faced with a temptation. They may have to share mom and dad with a new sibling. The list could keep growing.
My husband has always told our children to "DECIDE before you HAVE to decide." Talk to your children about what to do when they are faced with a temptation to do something they should not. Assure them it is okay to talk with you if they hear something contrary to what you have told them at home and it makes sense to them. Help them to know in advance that a lie can often seem like the best choice, but it is not.
For the most part, children like routine, especially young children. Prepare your children the best you can for times when the schedule may vary and everyone needs to make adjustments. This could be as frequent as every Sunday morning! Anticipate emotions that may display themselves when your child's life is out of kilter. Watch your own response to change!
Understand as a parent, that our children will not always live within our walls. There comes a time they will have to stand on their own two feet. Part of maturing is becoming a thinker and decision maker. Realize that your children will begin to form their own opinions, make their own decisions, and process life on their own. As parents, we know the world can be a scary, ugly place at times and our desire to protect our children from knowing that may cripple us from preparing them to handle what life has for us.
Friday, April 15, 2011
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Webster's defines the verb respect as to show consideration or esteem for; to relate to. Proverbs 22:1 says that to be esteemed is better than silver or gold. The family dynamic provides many opportunities to demonstrate respect to one another: spouse to spouse; child to child; child to parent; and parent to child. Practice respect in your home -- the environment we are most likely to "let down our hair" and may find ourselves being disrepectful. Let your home be the classroom where your children learn to be respectful to loved ones, belongings, the outside world, and ultimately, to the Lord.
What does respect look like? Here are a few tangibles:
R-E-S-P-E-C-T? Find out what it means to me. It means alot!
What does respect look like? Here are a few tangibles:
- eye contact
- listening to the thoughts, opinions, and concerns of someone
- allowing someone to contribute their ideas and talents
- giving someone the benefit of a doubt
- picking up after one's self
- saying please and thank you
- returning borrowed items, etc. in a timely manner and good condition
- not talking badly about someone, making fun of someone, or using words to get back at someone
- focused time with a person
- waiting your turn
- not taking advantage of someone
- being time conscious
- doing what you commit to do for someone
R-E-S-P-E-C-T? Find out what it means to me. It means alot!
Friday, March 18, 2011
Target Practice!
When it comes to parenting, being intentional is vital. No parent wants their child to grow up to be a criminal or to fail at relationships, or to be unsuccessful with finances. I think we all envision our children being well rounded adults who work hard and live an honorable and Godly life. We have a target of what we want our children to be, but we may not be intentional at actually aiming at that target! Without aim, the target is more likely to be missed. If your target as a parent is to guide your child to be a successful adult similar to the description above, what are some specifics you can do to help your aim at that target?
1. Live a lifestyle that you want your children to model. It is true that actions speak louder than words!
2. Know what values you want to instill into your children, attach them to scripture, and then start teaching them to your children at an early age. If kindness is one of your values, point out that the Bible says "Be ye kind one to another." Teach your two year old that kindness is saying 'Thank you" or
"Please." To your eight year old, kindness may mean not making fun of another person with words or actions.
3. Create safe opportunities for your children to make choices and to live with the consequences of those choices, whether positive or negative. Similarly, when your children makes a choice as a part of day to day living, look for teachable moments to point out to them the positives and negatives of that choice. The idea is to teach your child at a young age that our actions impact us.
4. Set reasonable behavioural boundaries for your children and stick to them. God's Word has guidelines for us, our government has guidelines for us, organizations & schools have guidelines for us. Your child will have to deal with boundaries all throughout life. Let your home be a model of how to operate freely and safely within a boundary. Children need the security a boundary can bring. A child with no boundaris can feel frustrated, unsafe, and insecure. Boundaries protect; your child is valuable enough to protect. Boundaries set limits; your child is too immature to see the beyond the moment. Boundaries guide; your child needs guidance on how to handle their emotions.
1. Live a lifestyle that you want your children to model. It is true that actions speak louder than words!
2. Know what values you want to instill into your children, attach them to scripture, and then start teaching them to your children at an early age. If kindness is one of your values, point out that the Bible says "Be ye kind one to another." Teach your two year old that kindness is saying 'Thank you" or
"Please." To your eight year old, kindness may mean not making fun of another person with words or actions.
3. Create safe opportunities for your children to make choices and to live with the consequences of those choices, whether positive or negative. Similarly, when your children makes a choice as a part of day to day living, look for teachable moments to point out to them the positives and negatives of that choice. The idea is to teach your child at a young age that our actions impact us.
4. Set reasonable behavioural boundaries for your children and stick to them. God's Word has guidelines for us, our government has guidelines for us, organizations & schools have guidelines for us. Your child will have to deal with boundaries all throughout life. Let your home be a model of how to operate freely and safely within a boundary. Children need the security a boundary can bring. A child with no boundaris can feel frustrated, unsafe, and insecure. Boundaries protect; your child is valuable enough to protect. Boundaries set limits; your child is too immature to see the beyond the moment. Boundaries guide; your child needs guidance on how to handle their emotions.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Let's get started!
This is my test post! I look forward to sharing my thoughts and ideas with you. I am just a mom who has learned along the way that as parents, we are continually learning. Every phase of parenthood has its challenges and its blessings that are unique to that phase.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)